My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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