Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
