im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
