I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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