Pappa wants mamma naked
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
