I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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