Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
