WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
