I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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