So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
