you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
