don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
