There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
