therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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