Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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