She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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