absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize