8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
