hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize