Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish I could teleport
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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