I'd wear matching sweaters with you
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize