the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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