i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A bitchslap is in order.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
