bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
