The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
