Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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