I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
