Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
