Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
