so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
