I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
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In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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