Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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