Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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