guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Less talking, more tequila
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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