Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
