I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
