At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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