haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
