she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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