Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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