guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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