we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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