and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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