Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
