Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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