god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
