the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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