Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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