I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
