there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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