My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
