I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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