I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
