take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
