i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He passed out mid-signature
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
