You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
