the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
