Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
