Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
