I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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