Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
