Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
