I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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