I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
