apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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