Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
