I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
