oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
