This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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