Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
whose parrot is this?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
