Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I love you. Go after that dick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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