As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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