woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
