I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
