There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
