I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
