hotel room ftw
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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