Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
