watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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