Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
