Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
