Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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