I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
