i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
